"50 States (With Finish Lines)"

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"50 States (With Finish Lines)"

Mike Fitzgerald
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"50 States (with Finish Lines)"
By Mike Fitzgerald

Parody of "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" by Train

I should have realized
That it might be unwise
To marathon in all the states
Sure, I’ll run Hawaii
But, c’mon - New Jersey?
I’d-a-hoped to go some other place

It’s cool up there in Alaska so that’ll be OK

I won’t tell a lie about Washington
Or crab about Maryland
I won’t duck out on doing Oregon
Help me, help me, this will be my demise
I’ll do Tulsa, Oklahoma
Grandma’s, Minnesota
Some remote race in North or South Dakota
Help me, help me, there’s not enough time
For states with finish lines

I suppose there will be bling
If I run Wyoming
And Vermont might be worth air fare (be worth air fare)
I’ll bow to peer pressure
And race in New Hampshire,
Connecticut and Delaware

I’ll gripe all about Nebraska if you’ll lend me an ear

I’ll race hot in Arizona
Sweet in the Carolinas
I’ll run every single mile in Rhode Island
Help me, help me, I’m out of my mind
I’ll wake up in Mississippi
Pass out in Kentucky
I hope they love my company in Missouri
Help me, help me there’s no end in sight
To states with finish lines

That’s gonna be a thousand miles and more
Like a run from Bangor, Maine to Atlanta, Geor..
gia… I Mapquested it

If U tahought I was crazy, I-o-wauldn’t disagree
If U tahought I was crazy, I-o-wauldn’t disagree

I’ll sweat beads in Louisiana
Kick Butte in Montana
Finish at my start in Indiana
Help me, help me, someone hear my cries
I’ll be a pirate in Florida
Elvis in Nevada
Run up and down Pike’s Peak in Colorada
Help me, help me, this is such a plight

I’ll steal away to Pennsylvania
And, yes sir:  California
Travel with Charles and Wes to Virginia
Help me, help me, Oh my aching thighs
I’ll burn up the prairie in Kansas
Eat queso in Texas
Escape to the Cape in Massachussetts

Help me, help me, there’s still more states to cite
I’ll add a few more lines…….
Race twice only in Illinois
Stay mobile in  Alabama
Listen to a little rock in Arkansas
Help me, help me, shoes don’t grow on vines
My calves’ll tighten in Tennessee
I’ll march in New Mexico
And I’ll fly like a pig through Ohio
Help me, help me, I won’t stop my whines
I’ll run smooth as glass in New York
Drink some brew in Wisconsin
Do a mile under water here in Michigan


Help me, help me, I’m all out of rhymes
‘Bout states with finish lines



(Skip the italics part to make it fit into original song)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Original Song
"50 Ways to Say Goodbye" by Train

My heart is paralyzed
My head was oversized
I’ll take the high road like I should
You said it’s meant to be
That it’s not you, it’s me
You’re leaving now for my own good

That’s cool, but if my friends ask where you are I’m gonna say

She went down in an airplane
Fried getting suntan
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand
Help me, help me, I’m no good at goodbyes
She met a shark under water
Fell and no one caught her
I returned everything I ever bought her
Help me, help me, I’m all out of lies
And ways to say you died

My pride still feels the sting
You were my everything
Someday I’ll find a love like yours (a love like yours)
She’ll think I’m Superman
Not super mini-van
How could you leave on Yom Kippur?

That’s cool, but if my friends ask where you are I’m gonna say

She went caught by a mudslide
Eaten by a lion
Got run over by a crappy purple Scion
Help me, help me, I’m no good at goodbyes
She dried up in the desert
Drowned in a hot tub
Danced to death at an east side night club
Help me, help me, I’m all out of lies
And ways to say you died

I wanna live a thousand lives with you
I wanna be the one you’re dying to
Love… but you don’t want to

That’s cool, but if my friends ask where you are I’m gonna say
That’s cool, but if my friends ask where you are I’m gonna say

She went down in an airplane
Fried getting suntan
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand
Help me, help me, I’m no good at goodbyes
She met a shark under water
Fell and no one caught her
I returned everything I ever bought her
Help me, help me, I’m all out of lies

She went caught by a mudslide
Eaten by a lion
Got run over by a crappy purple Scion
Help me, help me, I’m no good at goodbyes
She dried up in the desert
Drown in a hot tub
Danced to death at an east side night club
Help me, help me, I’m all out of lies
And ways to say goodbye