"50 Ways to Get Your Run In" - Tribute to Everyone

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"50 Ways to Get Your Run In" - Tribute to Everyone

Tnova
Administrator
This post was updated on .
Okay - this one is over a YEAR in the making.  I started this at the Flying Pig in 2010 and put it aside and always meant to finish it.  It contains the name of everyone in the club, even a couple of new people that I am hoping I have not added prematurely before seeing if they become regulars or not.  But I needed a couple of names to round it out.

Delaying finishing it so long meant I had to add at least 40 new names!  Multiple names are only used once (e.g., only one Dave reference despite there being 3 Dave's in the club) with one exception because the first Tom reference is very specific.  And the song can obviously be updated as new names join the club.  I'm pretty sure I got everyone, if I missed anyone - I don't want to know!  (Just kidding, let me know.)

It's not the most complicated parody to do, which is why I chose it for this effort.  So without further ado, I bring you...


50 Ways to Get Your Run In
by Joe Terranova
(Parody of "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon)

“The problem is all inside your head,” they said to me
Running is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggling for speed
There must be fifty ways to be a runner

She said there’s really not one method to improve
Furthermore, I hope my comments won’t confuse or bust your groove
But I’ll repeat myself, I hope you don’t disprove
There must be fifty ways to be a runner
Fifty ways to be a runner

You just keep moving on, John
Blow past all the men, Jen
Don’t worry if you’re slow, Joe
Just stay on your feet
Keep taking GU, Sue
You don’t need to be grim, Jim
Just forgo the bike, Mike
And do what you like

Ooh just feel the bliss, Kris
Make sure that you wave, Dave
Forget the mascara, Sarah
Just go natural
Run in the dark, Mark
Watch your achilles heel, Neil
Sprint like a cat, Matt
And burn off the fat

She said it grieves me to see you in such pain
I wish that you would stop at Clint’s down on Main
I said I’ll consider that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

Sue said why don’t we both just do some hills tonight
And I believe on race day you’ll begin to feel more light
And then she sprinted and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to be a runner
Fifty ways to be a runner

You eat your banana, Anna
Admire the flora, Nora
You don’t take a spill, Bill
Just stay on your feet
Keep your agenda, Brenda
Don’t worry how you smell, Michelle
Just avoid the bran, Anne
And stay on your feet

Play a harmonica, Veronica
Run for glory, Lori
Don’t pretend that you’re deaf, Jeff
Just listen to me
Watch out for that ditch, Rich
And don’t be a glarin’ Sharon
Just run with honor, Connor
And stay on your feet

Work on your tan, Joanne
Stay off the lawn, Shaun
Don’t let us see you cryin’, Brian
Just take it easy
Shoot for the Crim, Kim
Think of Big Sur, Holger
Stay in for the long haul, Paul
And keep on your feet

Run like a hyena, Irina
Don’t wait ‘til mañana, Lana
Don't run into a web, Deb
When you run early
Suck on some candy, Mandy
Avoid that apathy, Cathy
You don’t have to be picky, Nicky
Just stay on your feet

Pace your mom, Tom
Pretend you’re at Le Mans, other Toms
Carry a bouquet, Jaye
Who cares what they say?
Cross train with your Schwinn, Jennifer Lynn
There is no trick, Eric
Avoid diarrhea, Leah
Just stay on your feet

Stay out of peril, Cheryl
Dress up like a madam, Adam
You’ll feel like a win-na, Corinna
When you get on the trail
Just follow a game plan, Diane
Know when to say when, Ben
Just tackle that hill, Jill
You know that you will

Pretend you’re off to see the Wiz, Liz
Go far on a Friday, Heidi
Don’t take anything foreign, Lauryn
When running a race
Wear the skirt that’s magenta, Argenta
Take a big whiff, Tif
Run as far as you wanna, Donna
We’ll be waiting for you

Think of the post run wine, Caroline
And also the pizza, Lisa
Something with marinara, Kara
Replace what you burned
Pop in an M&M, Em
Chew on a drumstick, Patrick
Maybe some PB and jelly, Kelley
You’ve all earned the right

Imagine you’re a hyena, Christina
Pretend you’re a panda, Amanda
Or that you’re a heron, Karen
Whatever gets you to go
Imagine you’re a gazelle, Rochelle
Faster than a yak, Jeevak
Go as fast as a gnu, Andrew
And stay on your feet

Just sing us a carol, Darrell
Have some Gatorade handy, Sandy
All your training will tell, Danielle
When you run your next race
Take care of your spleen, Kathleen
You know it’s no folly, Molly
You’ll know who to thank, Frank
Just stay on your feet

Just take a deep breath, MaryBeth
Feed off the adrenaline, Kaitlin
Find your inner zen, Ken
Run at your own pace
Fantasize about Rio, Cleo
Maybe visit the spa, Sanja
End with a Bloody Mary, Cary
And stay on your feet

Don’t fall on your fanny, Annie
Watch out for that bicycle, Michael
Don’t run into a tree, Stephanie
That wouldn’t be cool
Avoid Gonorrhea, Andrea
Don’t worry ‘bout the sweat, Jeanette
Just avoid the dark alley, Sally
And run with our club


=============================================

Original Version


50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
by Paul Simon

"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ooh slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free