"Hotel Alabama"

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"Hotel Alabama"

Mike Fitzgerald
"Hotel Alabama"
By Mike Fitzgerald

Parody of...  well, come on you can figure it out

On a Birmingham weekend, the Sheraton is our lair
But a dance competition and Kami con’s also there
Up ahead past the gift shop, I saw a disturbing sight
Dozens and dozens of pre-teen girls, wearing costumes with tights
The dancers stood in the hallway; I heard the giggling swell
And I was thinking to myself, 'This is not Heaven this has to be Hell'
It was too much to handle, so I turned the other way
And I took off down that corridor, choking on hair spray

Welcome to the Hotel Alabama
Such a noisy place (Such a noisy place)
An annoying place
I see Sailor Moon at the Hotel Alabama
This is kinda weird (this is kinda weird):
What I’m finding here

The big race is tomorrow, the sponsor is Mercedes Benz
But there’s lots of nerdy, nerdy boys, with all their friends
How they prance in the courtyard, virgins I bet
Some dressed like Avengers, some like Boba Fett
So I called up the Captain, ’How long will this go on?’
We have counted walking around here at least nineteen Pokemon
And there’s some girls who look too much like anime,
Artoo Detoo trolls the lobby floor, if he could talk he’d say.

Welcome to the Hotel Alabama
Look at Old Dave’s face (Look at Old Dave’s face)
An unhappy face
They say it’s the largest Hotel in Alabama
But there’s nothing to buy (there’s nothing to buy)
For your appetite

6am the next morning, outside it’s cold as ice
But that won’t stop us marathoners, we won’t even think twice
And in the upstairs chambers, non-runners were asleep.
They’re warm inside their comfy beds, but to the start line now we creep
Next thing I remember, I thought: What are we here for?
We could have partied late last night, and slept until 10:54
We laughed at the dance moms and the Kami Con geeks.
Yesterday we were the normal ones, this morning we’re the freaks!


Original Song
"Hotel California" by the Eagles

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain, 'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling, The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers, they gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives, But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was Running for the door
I had to find the passage back To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man, 'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave!